When you look at your past together, it’s surprisingly (fun and) easy to reframe events in a biased way. Him hinting at a threesome with your (cute) sister may have simply been a stab at (pun intended) a fun night together. At the time, you put it down to ‘guys will be guys’ and let the comment slide as a joke. But now you’re equipped with your fiery paintbrush. He’s now a sick perverted psycho… and we’re lucky you were there to protect your sister. What’s relevant here is that even if we recognise an unhealthy bias (otherwise known as a distortion of the truth), our desire to help is genuine. We’re psychologists because we are actively interested in helping people. Unfortunately, people tend to worry that a comment from us, such as ‘that must have been hard for you’, is part of an act or strategy that hides our thoughts. There’s the fear that we’re secretly brandishing our own fiery brimstone paintbrush while pretending to be supportive. However, we’re well aware that lies and biases arise from resistance, which is a healthy defense against aspects of a person’s life that they’re not ready to handle yet. We don’t pretend to be supportive. We accept the ‘version’ of themselves that they wish to present as being a stepping stone towards recovery. As we build trust, through unconditional support, a client’s willingness to expose their true thoughts and address them improves… we don’t challenge these lies because we recognise the client isn’t yet ready to deal with the issues directly.
The lying down with eyes closed is not sleep, it’s a necessary condition for sleep. You can sleep sitting up, of course, and I’ve heard of people who sleep with their eyes open, but both are unusual, because the body basically goes limp and shuts down the visual, audio, and sensory inputs when sleeping, in order to allow the subconscious to take charge of things. I have found that lying down and closing my eyes without going to sleep is refreshing, however, especially if I stretch really hard to get “the kinks” out. This works great after school or work when you don’t have time to take a nap, but need to relax. Problem is – you guessed it – it often leads to me falling asleep! I like this question because I relate to it. I’ve both seen it in others and felt it as well. This is clearly not a technical question (though I do think you could correlate and measure the emotions physiologically ). There’s more than one true answer out there. Technically, the emotions I feel in response to a sparkler are no doubt a surge of adrenalin mixed with happiness, curiosity, surprise and joy. I say surprise because i don’t expect to see someone’s eyes sparkle. They generally show up randomly in my life. I see them and feel excited. I don’t know what I expect but it’s a happy, energizing moment. By contrast- if the person’s eyes were energized but threatening instead of sparkling, I’d be fearful- but I am not. Without the sparkle- there’s not much to react to.